rantification

silent scream. breathe out.
i need this time, this time alone to sort out my thoughts to try to understand myself a little bit better. right now i believe my dependancy has hightened to new levels. that along side with my flakiness level.

like sometimes... even though nothing exacttttly happens, do you evr just really need to talk? do you ever call ppl like over and over again just becuase you need one minute of reassurance?
and do you ever get so upset over something and you know it's completely retarded but it just hurts so much and you THINK you want your friend to do somethign about it even if it hurts them becuase 'you would if you were in their case' and you just need that little bit of comfort, and again, reassurance taht they care fro you. that they value you.

and then they do, do somethign about it and it's like-- crap. that was stupid. i'm stupid. loser immature jerk asshole freak. i can never never never win.

HOW sad is it that i feel like the only person i can talk to is someone i've never even met. maybe that's why. maybe it's because they dont' know yet how retarded i am.