how love was

when i thought i knew what love was. when i thought i was in love. when it was fate that he would love me in return. when i knew these things.

the ninth grade.
a year of thinking i was in love with this guy, that even though he perhaps thought of me as more of a younger sister than a 'woman' lol that eventually he would discover his true feelings and on that day he would whisk me off my feet and carry me off into the horizon. the other day jo accused me of wanting to read other people's diaries but not sharing mine-- well here it is. kudos to anyone who can figure out/ remember who this guy is. (i blank it out only to save this guy face, but ask me if you want to know)

[Feb. 13, 2001.]
I cannot fathom a worse fate than this except death. ***** found out about me loving him. it didnt' seem like there was any chance but i guess i was wrong. This world is ruthless. obviously no one is trustworthy (except God). No one. I'm drowning in a sea of endless sorrow, there is no end. There is NO possible way he could speak to me normally again. our pathetic little friendship is OVER. poof! All gone. i just feel so sad. i wanna call him but at the same time i never want to speak to him again.

[Feb. 19, 2001.]
***** doesn't know! ^_^ i talked to him on the phone for 1.5 hrs last night =) *sigh* he made me feel SO much better.

pathetic i know, but at least now can provide me with some source of amusement :P