"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. " Psalm 4:4

for the past few weeks all i could *really* feel was hurt. hurt because of this, sadness because of that. i mean, even if i said i was mad, i wasn't i was just hurt.
but today, and yesterday probably... there was an anger inside of me that i haven't felt for what seems like a while. this emotion that tugs at my stomach and my eyelids instead of my heart. where for a moment i dont' care whether the person whom my anger is directed to lives or dies. all i care about is how i refuse to take anymore of their crap. or be hurt by them any longer. and for a moment i don't want to do things to myself to make it stop, but i want to do things to them to make it stop. well not really "do" things... but just somehow make them feel as bad as i have been feeling.

i know this is a really selfish emotion. and i know that this is not something that God wants. but it's just so hard. and i know its not supposed to be easy... but...
i dunno. i need to breathe. pray. wipe out the vengeance that begs so convincingly. let the silent tears flow and stop feeling like a child who craves to be held.